August 14, 2011
Today seemed to be like the longest day of my life but at the same time I didn't want it to end. We sat around with Mom and Dad before going to the funeral home for most of the day. We napped when we could because we were simply exhausted from the events of the previous week. We fixed the pictures in frames that we wanted to put beside the casket at the funeral home. We got dressed. I felt like I was walking around in a fog all day long. I couldn't imagine that in a few hours we would be having a funeral service for our son. What about the christening service? What about his kindergarten graduation? No, it wasn't right that we were getting cheated out of all of that. His funeral should NOT occur when he only weighed a little over 3 pounds. It should NOT occur before he had a chance to live outside my belly. It should NOT occur with some many events left incomplete. But as unfair as it seemed to me, the time came and we had to go.
When we arrived at the funeral home, we put out the pictures that we had taken the Saturday before our world came crashing down. How grateful we are to have those maternity pictures. We rearranged some of the flowers and had the front looking as perfect as we could for our little angel. We spent some time with him telling him how much we loved him and always would. Then we went into the family room to wait for the service to start. Time seemed to speed by as we sat there and in no time we were being ushered back into the chapel. I wanted it to take longer because the beginning of the service signaled the beginnings of our goodbyes. And I didn't want to say goodbye.
The service was absolutely perfect...as perfect as could be when you are talking about the funeral of your son. Randall and I had worked hard to find some readings that would accompany Chuck's message and they seemed to fit so well with what he spoke of that night. When we were looking for music, Randall immediately thought of the Selah song "I Will Carry You" and we asked Jamie Williams to sing it, knowing that it would be beautiful. The words seemed to speak what we were thinking:
Today seemed to be like the longest day of my life but at the same time I didn't want it to end. We sat around with Mom and Dad before going to the funeral home for most of the day. We napped when we could because we were simply exhausted from the events of the previous week. We fixed the pictures in frames that we wanted to put beside the casket at the funeral home. We got dressed. I felt like I was walking around in a fog all day long. I couldn't imagine that in a few hours we would be having a funeral service for our son. What about the christening service? What about his kindergarten graduation? No, it wasn't right that we were getting cheated out of all of that. His funeral should NOT occur when he only weighed a little over 3 pounds. It should NOT occur before he had a chance to live outside my belly. It should NOT occur with some many events left incomplete. But as unfair as it seemed to me, the time came and we had to go.
When we arrived at the funeral home, we put out the pictures that we had taken the Saturday before our world came crashing down. How grateful we are to have those maternity pictures. We rearranged some of the flowers and had the front looking as perfect as we could for our little angel. We spent some time with him telling him how much we loved him and always would. Then we went into the family room to wait for the service to start. Time seemed to speed by as we sat there and in no time we were being ushered back into the chapel. I wanted it to take longer because the beginning of the service signaled the beginnings of our goodbyes. And I didn't want to say goodbye.
The service was absolutely perfect...as perfect as could be when you are talking about the funeral of your son. Randall and I had worked hard to find some readings that would accompany Chuck's message and they seemed to fit so well with what he spoke of that night. When we were looking for music, Randall immediately thought of the Selah song "I Will Carry You" and we asked Jamie Williams to sing it, knowing that it would be beautiful. The words seemed to speak what we were thinking:
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this
So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One who's chosen me
To carry you
Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says
I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One who's chosen Me
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this
So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One who's chosen me
To carry you
Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says
I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One who's chosen Me
To carry you
We changed the shes to hes when Jamie sang it. We also had three readings, which I'll post later, that seemed to capture what our hearts were feeling. Our choir from Cassidy also sang, and it was such a sweet tribute to this boy who was surrounded by music from the moment he was conceived. Almost more beautiful than the words that were spoken and the songs that were sung was the outpouring of love from our friends and family. The lady from Akard estimated that there were around 350 people who were there to support us and love Ezra. There were so many people that they had to put chairs in the foyer and show the service over a closed circuit television. After the service, they had planned for us to go stand in the foyer and greet people as they left, but there were so many people that they led us back to the family room and let people file through there. I felt so much love through the hugs and tears of the people who came through. It was exhausting, but a comfort at the same time. Ezra was loved. Even though these people never got to see him or meet him, they loved him.
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