9 months + Mother's Day = Overload

It's been 9 months today.  9 months of grieving.  9 months of tears.  9 months of small steps towards my new normal.  I still haven't opened the door to his nursery.  I still haven't boxed up one thing.  I still can't go an hour without thinking about Ezra and how much I wish he was here with me.  I feel like I could take my first post, my post 3 months ago and a month ago and they would almost say the same thing.  I miss him.  I love him.  I grieve everyday wishing things were different. 

I joined a Facebook group called "Grieving Mothers" and they post several poems, quotes, and pictures a day.  Though many of them make me cry, I feel like these people who post these things are reading my thoughts.  They know exactly what I need to hear.  This poem was posted yesterday about Mother's Day.  Made me cry, but also made me smile. 

"Dandelions From Heaven"
Mothers Day is coming...and I wanted to send you a sign...
Something you can tell others..."Is from an angel of mine".
So I searched the Heavens high and low for that perfect thing..
And low and behold I found it....and a smile I hope it will bring.

So when you look to the Heavens...and see the yellow stars in the sky...
Just think of me...your angel... in the Heavens way up high...
And just imagine those stars...are dandelions up above...
Yes! Dandelions are also in Heaven...,which you know how much I love.

So on this Mothers Day... when you awake and feel blue...
You will notice those yellow stars...are no longer in view...
So just look to the meadows and the dandelions you see....
Are the ones I've tossed down this Mothers Day from me!

And when you find a dandelion that has turned from yellow to white...
You're supposed to make a wish...and then blow with all your might.
For you will be blowing kisses... to me in Heaven above....
And I will be catching them and blowing them back...sent with all my love.

Please know that I am with you...on this Mothers Day...
And also in the days ahead...God and I will never stray...
We will be with you in the morning...when you wake and see the sun..
We will be with you when you say your prayers...when the day is done.

For God and I will never be...very far from your side...
For I can now be everywhere...and God will be your guide...
So...remember when you see dandelions...its your guarantee...
That I am alway close to you....
For dandelions are free to roam.....now just like me.

I will always be with you Mom....
Happy Mothers Day
Love, Your Angel in Heaven.

When I walked out the door this morning I was sad because I knew what the date was.  When I got in my car I noticed that one of our Asiatic lilies was blooming.  Just one little bloom.  You can say that I'm grasping at straws, but I truly believe it was a message from my little Ezra.  His way of saying "I love you, Mommy."

I love you, my little Ezra.  Mommy thinks about you all the time.  I miss you.