Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Catch Up

I haven't been very faithful to writing on this blog here lately.  Our life has been extremely busy with school, hairbow making, craft shows, church, and life in general.  As I put the dots on the "Number of the Day" chart at school today, I could hardly believe that we have been in school for 62 days already!  This school year is definitely going by quickly, which makes me a little sad because I have been blessed with a great group of students this year!  They are so excited to learn and so well-behaved.  They are such a blessing to me everyday.

Pumpkin for Ezra
Halloween has already come and gone for another year.  We didn't do anything exciting, but we did hand out candy this year at our house.  Last year, we went out to eat because we couldn't face seeing the kids dressed up, but this year we wanted to return to some sort of normalcy.  We had a ton of trick-or-treaters and almost ran out of candy.  It was a fun night.  We decided not to carve a pumpkin this year because we had so much going on, but I did paint two, one for Ezra and one for Cassidy.  We were going to take it to the cemetery to put beside his flowers, but we decided to leave it at our house instead.  That way, it was like we were celebrating him at home for Halloween.  I still dream about what his Halloween costumes would look like each year.  There are a ton of family outfits on pinterest and I visualized our faces on their bodies multiple times while I was browsing.

The best part of the week of Halloween was that we got our first snow day.  That's right, in October.  People may call it the effects of Hurricane Sandy or a nor'easter storm, but I call it Ezra's Halloween present to Mommy and Daddy.  He knows how much we love Halloween and snow, so he wanted to combine the two of them together for us.  :)  At least, that's what I thought.

First Ornament
Randall and I have decided to go ahead and put up our normal amount of Christmas decorations, which means getting started early.  Last year, we only put up the one big tree in our living room, but this year we plan to do all of them.  I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do until Friday night.  We put up our first tree, the Disney tree that night.  We putt the tree up first and then brought up the ornaments.  Many of the ornaments for that tree do not have boxes, so we just wrap them up in heavy paper towels and put them into plastic containers.  I unwrapped the first ornament and had to smile.  Simba was looking up at me.  I feel that it was no coincidence that the Lion King ornament was the first one that I unwrapped.  It was almost as if Ezra was saying, "Mom, go ahead and decorate.  I can't wait to see  it." 

I still miss my sweet Ezra like crazy and each day brings a new set of sadness and challenges, but I am making it through one day at a time.  I know that God has placed so many people in my life to help me through my grief stages and I am so grateful for them.  It seems that no matter how I feel, there is someone there with a hug or just a listening ear.  I feel so blessed to have so many wonderful friends and confidants.  And what also helps me get through each day is knowing that my baby is watching me, cheering me on, and seeing how I handle various situations.  I've always heard that you have to be careful what you do and say in front of children because they pay attention to everything.  But the people who said this truly dont' understand, because I'M the one with the son who truly can see and hear what I'm doing and saying all the time.  So I try to live my life so that he will be proud of me and so that he can say, "Look, Jesus, that's my mom.  She makes me proud."

I miss you sweet Ezra, and love you like crazy.  I can't wait to finish the Christmas decorations so that you can see all of them.  Mommy loves you, Ezra.

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